Exercise and Mental Illness

Posted on March 29, 2013 by Tartan Tantrum

Having recently moved house, I found myself stupidly broke after paying higher rent plus deposit, so I had to cut costs wherever I could. That meant suspending my membership at Premier MMA, the gym where I train in KTX kickboxing and jiu jitsu (these guys are incredible by the way – check them out if you’re local). I’ve always known it does me good on so many levels to have regular (even daily) exercise, especially in helping to manage my symptoms of bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder. But I thought to myself, ‘What harm can a month off do?’ and besides I didn’t really have another choice unless I got into (more) debt.

At the end of that time, I can say without doubt that a month makes all the difference. The consequences of not getting regular exercise have reminded me that the slippery slope to ill mental health is never far away. I started eating horribly, which of course made me sluggish and lethargic. I regained some of the weight I was so proud to have lost after coming off the anti-depressants I’d been on for over a year. I was drinking more. And inevitably I had a few wobbly phases where I did get depressed again. My sleep patterns became even more erratic than normal and I found myself practically nodding off at work, almost crying with tiredness. I have no doubt that if I had continued with my regular exercise regime, the absence of medication would not have been a problem. So I’ve learned an important lesson there.

But here on the other side, having learned the crucial importance of a structured, guided exercise regime and ready to start training again, I’m keenly aware of my own privilege. My symptoms are nowhere near as bad as many sufferers of bipolar/borderline disorder. I’m able to hold down a job where the boss and the team around me are incredibly supportive and genuinely look out for me. I make enough money to cover a gym membership most of the time. But others aren’t so lucky. It angers me to think how people with mental health issues and other disabilities are constantly stigmatised, ignored and shoved down the list of government priorities, FOR NO REASON.

But, all is not lost. There are some wonderful writers around who have dedicated themselves to raising awareness and campaigning for change on issues involving all aspects of mental illness and in particular bipolar disorder. I’d really recommend you follow the work of Charlotte Walker and Natasha Tracy for great writing on what it’s like to suffer from mental illness, how to support those have it and the obstacles they face in every day life.

It’s Not My Shame

Posted on March 18, 2013 by Tartan Tantrum

Whew, so here we go:

I am a survivor of honour abuse.

Only those who have been through it can understand what it’s taken me to write that sentence in public. I’ve been gathering the courage to speak out about my experiences for some time now; a couple of years in fact, and it feels as though everything I’ve done in the last decade has led up to this moment.

I haven’t lived with my parents since I was twelve years old and going through puberty, a scary time for so many young women at risk of forced marriage. I haven’t spoken to either of them for about four years, although as far as I know they are both alive and well. In the coming weeks and months, I will be sharing some of my story with you.

Just yesterday, a member of my family threatened me with legal action if I published anything in the public domain that could potentially identify them. In this, I will do my absolute best. But I will use my real name, because I am not afraid and I am not ashamed, but mostly because I want others who may be in or recovering from the same situation to know that they needn’t suffer in silence, and that they are definitely not to blame.

Everything I write about this from hereon in is for those women and men who have been oppressed, abused, beaten and murdered in the name of honour. They must understand that no one deserves to have their bodies beaten and spirits crushed simply for existing. Every time I think of Shafilea Ahmed, Banaz Mahmoud or a multitude of other lives lost I am thankful for the mercy that life showed me when I was still at threat from so many angles it’s a wonder I made it here at all. I’m not sharing for attention or to place blame or to seek revenge or to make the lives of those I care deeply for difficult. And let me be clear – this includes the perpetrators, my mother and father. I don’t believe in pure evil, and where you think you see it you look upon a soul in despair. I share because someone else did so for me, helping me recover completely and reach a place not only of peace and contentment, but of real joy. I’m actually happy now. And given everything I’ve been through, that’s a fucking miracle! Thank you Jasvinder Sanghera.

For now, I’ve said enough, though you might think I’ve said nothing at all. But to some, I commit the worst of crimes: I claim my right to a voice.

Understanding Mindfulness

Posted on March 9, 2013 by Tartan Tantrum

A friend recently asked me if I could give her some advice about mindfulness and meditation. It’s something I’ve been meaning to share for quite a while since practicing mindfulness has had an incredible impact on my wellbeing.

In 2011, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder. Both are complex conditions but it’s safe to say that each of them are characterised by significant mood changes that can spiral out of control if not managed properly, causing devastation for the sufferer and for those around them. My therapist at the time worked with me using a technique called Dialectal Behavioural Therapy, which incorporates the massively important elements of Eastern Zen and Western contemplative practices. This gave me the skills I needed to catch my impulses in time and stop unhealthy mood patterns from gaining momentum.

I have been interested in meditation for years, but was only ever able to reach that wonderful state of peacefulness occasionally and even then it was through guided meditations and recorded NLP sessions. The therapeutic work I did equipped me with some crucial information that allowed me to access that state much more frequently. I have to emphasise at this point that the technique takes practice and there are many different approaches, but the basic premise is this: all we have is this moment. Anything that exists outside of it resides only in our minds. If we can ground ourselves in the moment we have an anchor that supports our ability to concentrate on our experience of the present. It focuses the mind and allows us to apply ourselves fully to whatever we are doing, making our actions much more effective. But I’d be going completely against the fundamental philosophy behind mindfulness practice if I were to say that its main benefit was an increase in productivity. For me the greatest impact was on my sense of peace and contentment, no matter what was going on around me. In this day and age, our constant drive to get things done and achieve more in less time is actually what restricts us from feeling happy.

So how do you practice it? The approach that works best for me revolves mostly around breathing. Many of us have become so frantically caught up in the doing of everyday life that we pay little or no attention to the basic processes of being. Much of the time, we don’t even stop long enough to take a proper, full breath! The importance of breath work has nothing to do with making time so you can ‘stop and smell the roses’ – it’s so much more than that.

To begin, make sure you’re sitting or lying in a comfortable position. Pay attention to your breathing. For me this can mean simply saying in my own mind, ‘I breathe in… I breathe out’ repeatedly. Or I might notice the way my body moves when I breathe. Is it my chest or my stomach that comes out when I take a breath? Whatever comes to mind is okay – there is no wrong way to do this.
Focus on prolonging each breath, and if possible push out your stomach instead of the chest on the ‘in’ breaths.
Move your attention now to the relaxation of each of your muscle groups. Relax the muscles of your face, neck and shoulders. Relax your chest and stomach muscles. Feel the muscles in your back relax. Your hips, thighs, knees and calves… your ankles and feet; all are relaxed. Again, even just saying these phrases in your mind is all you need to focus your attention. By this point I usually find the deep breathing has become easier, and I notice that my breaths feel like they do just before I fall asleep.
Become aware of what is happening both in and outside of your body; muscle tics, hunger, digestion… the temperature of the room perhaps, the noises you can hear, smells – even the aches and pains if they’re there.
Listen to your thoughts. What is going through your mind? Notice how your thoughts affect your body.

The last two steps usually have the most noticeable impact for me. As I’m interchanging focus between mind, body and my immediate environment I suddenly feel a rush of awareness. It is a physical feeling too, as if I am simply floating. Over time, I realised that this rush always coincides with a movement in my eyes behind the lids towards the forehead. This is where the pineal gland, or ‘third eye’ resides, and some have described the phenomenon as an ‘activation’ of the pineal gland.

I am at this point in a state of peace and complete calm. I can follow my thoughts and senses wherever they may go, without judgment or expectation. It took me a lot of practice to be able to access this ‘floating’ state consistently and purposefully, so don’t be surprised if this doesn’t happen immediately for you. Achievement of some sort of spiritual rush is in fact beside the point, which is to simply to be aware, and to pay attention to what you notice – that is all.

When I first began practicing mindfulness, I found it difficult to sit still. Once I’d mastered that, I had to work on the breathing – it’s surprising how much practice it can take just to breathe properly! The challenge for me at this stage is learning how to stay in that place of floating contentment. That’s because it’s in this state that wonderful ideas come to me; I feel so connected to my experience that I get too excited and want to start doing instead of being again. Suddenly I feel creative. I also tend to discover solutions to dilemmas or difficult problems, and I can’t help but want to act on them. But again, this is ok – the process of mindfulness should not be a lesson in making yourself go one way or another; it’s just about getting on the ride and seeing where it takes you.

Although reading about mindfulness is a good first step, there is no substitute for practice. If you would like to learn more about mindfulness and be guided in the company of others, I would highly recommend this workshop group based in London, led by Dr Massimo Stocchi and his colleagues. Dr Stocchi is a qualified psychotherapist who understands the very real impact of mindfulness practice on emotional and physical wellbeing – I’ll be very surprised if you don’t start noticing these changes in your own life after even one session!

Keep Calm and Do Nothing? Yeah Right.

Posted on March 4, 2013 by Tartan Tantrum

After a fairly busy, pleasant day at work, I get on the packed train home and am about to stick my music on when the arsehole above says loudly, “You better not be gettin’ off at Maida Vale, that’s all I’m fuckin’ saying, you wanna watch yourself.” Huh? I think to myself, putting it down to a couple having a domestic turned nasty or something. Then, from the young woman (French I think) along from me, genuinely scared, “I didn’t do anything, why are you saying this?”

I can’t stand it when women are clearly being threatened or harrassed in public spaces and everyone just sits in silence and does nothing, so I said loudly, “Errr, I’m sorry, was that a threat? That sounded like a threat to me.” After which the gentleman next to me piped up, “It certainly did. [then to the dude] Are you threatening these women? Because we’re all witnesses here. I’m also a barrister.” In the meantime I was talking the woman, who was with her two friends. “Is this man bothering you?” I said, and she replied, “Yes – we got on the train and it was really full and I stepped on his things but it was an accident, it was an accident!”

I turned back to the dickhead and said, “There you go mate, it was an accident, these things happen, you need to get over it and not start threatening people.” And then it began. He asked me what business it was of mine and I told him that when you make such clear threats on a packed train you’re involving everybody. He told me I needed to shut my fucking mouth and that it was none of my fucking business. I flipped and swore right back, telling him he needed to fucking get over himself, that shit happens, that he needed to sort himself out. Then he told me I was a state, that I needed a wash, that I have a ‘tache and that I should shave, that my teeth are yellow and that I have a centre parting ?????? I gave it right back. Another guy who was standing in front of me turned to me and said, “I see what you’re trying to do here, but it’s not the best way to go about it” or words to that effect. In the meantime the dude’s fucking eyeballing me and I won’t break his stare and he says, “What the fuck you looking at you fuckin’ state – you wanna have a look at yourself in the mirror you ugly cunt”

I laugh and take my phone out of my pocket and take three or four shots of him. He brings out his own phone and takes some of me. I smile for the camera. He says, “You fucking watch – you fuckin’ wait – I’m gonna spit on your face when I get off this train. You wait. Be fuckin’ ready” And then he gets back to his paper. I believe him. He’s drinking his McDonald’s drink and I just imagine him filling up his mouth and spitting at me as gets up to go. In full anticipation of this I raise my bag in front of my face as he gets up to leave, and he doesn’t do it, not believing I would have the audacity to defend myself. He stands there staring daggers at me and I know if there were half as many people on that train it would have turned violent. I peek around the side of my bag and say, “You missed.” He leaves the train. I check to make sure he doesn’t get on another carriage, and when I get off at my stop I wait ’til the train has left and everybody who is getting off has gone.

On the ten minute walk home, another guy comes up to me smiling, “Excuse me, darling, baby, can I have one minute of your time?”

“No,” I tell him curtly. His friend gets out of a nearby car and they follow me for a minute. His friend says, “Damn, she would get fuuuuuuuuucked” before backing off.

I feel tired now, and I’ve lost my appetite. People will say I shouldn’t have got involved. That you never know what people are going to do. He might have had a knife, they’ll say. Well fuck. that. shit. How many women get harrassed, groped and threatened in public spaces and other people just stand by and do fuck all? Yes I’m angry! Yes I swore back at him! I am fucking sick and tired of being expected to reign my shit in when this stuff happens, and it happens all the fucking time! Instead of telling me I need to keep my mouth shut Mr Man, why didn’t you back me up and tell the dude he needed to stop acting so threateningly? But that’s too much to ask. I’m a woman. I should sit down, stay quiet, be invisible, blend in, do everything possible to divert attention from me so that I don’t get threatened, beaten or even raped. Oh wait… Fuck you brother.

Psychotherapy: Winning the Mind Games

Posted on February 12, 2013 by Tartan Tantrum

If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the years, it’s that the brain can be an incredibly mutinous organ. Having been in and out of therapy since I was thirteen years old, I am constantly awestruck by the amount of life-changing information my own brain has held back from me; information, in the form of memory, that has quietly dictated my strongest beliefs about life, relationships and the world.

Memories are a record of our lived experience, points of reference to which our minds return time and again in the process of controlling our behaviour. During periods of great stress or trauma, we develop a survival mechanism to help us cope, and painful memories are buried deep in the subconscious that would be too overwhelming to bear otherwise. The damage that is done to our mental and emotional wellbeing during these times most often becomes apparent only when we have pulled through the worst of it.

During an immensely powerful session I had last year with my therapist Julia, I remembered for the first time one experience that had been strangling my ability to form close relationships, leaving me deeply depressed and incredibly lonely. I had sought help this time because I was feeling suicidal, and I’d had to take time off work that I just could not afford. Julia explored what was going on in my life at the time in an effort to understand what might be causing my anguish. For about two years, I had been under enormous strain at work. In one job there were times when I was working from six in the morning until eleven at night because of a transatlantic merger, while in another I was supporting a tiresome and difficult company director, her manager, the reception area and a number of practitioners in their day to day work, as well as acting as the office IT person, conducting interviews for new staff and assisting in the set-up of a new office area! It felt like I was constantly plugging leaks, stopping the ship from sinking as it were. Despite the fact that I was absolutely drained everyday and in a constant state of stress, I carried on because I loved it when people said, “God Shaheen, I don’t know what we’d do without you – this place would fall apart!” I felt important and needed, but more significantly, happy. I began to understand that demonstrating competence and achieving high levels of productivity was actually how I formed relationships. I didn’t believe that I deserved companionship and love just for being me – I had to earn it.

But there was no way I could keep up the pace, and when I read the book Daughters of Shame by Jasvinder Sanghera, it was the final straw. Its accounts of honour violence, a term I never thought could apply to me, shocked me in their sudden relevance to my own experiences.

No matter how I tried, I just could not perform at the same level at work that everyone was used to from me. Physical exhaustion and the memory of personal trauma had left me unable to function. The praise and appreciation stopped. Without it, I felt like there was nothing to me. And so began a spiral of self-loathing that eventually led me to Julia’s office. She helped me see that throwing myself into productive work and seeking achievement and admiration was how I avoided extreme feelings of poor self-esteem.

When I took measures to curb the pressure at work by asserting my boundaries, I was met with criticism and disapproval. Not only was I not getting the praise that propped up my self-esteem, I was actively being admonished. I felt awful. I felt like I was less than nothing, and that I deserved to be treated with hate. As I explored this feeling with Julia, something very strange happened. I became increasingly upset by the level of hate I was beginning to realise I had for myself and I started to cry. Almost immediately, a massive panic attack sprang up as if out of nowhere. I interrupted Julia as she was talking to let her know what was happening. This in itself was a turning point – if I was with anyone else I would have made any excuse and left the room. I started hyperventilating. Julia reminded me to focus on my breathing, asking if I was ok to go on. I could see that she was very concerned. I breathed my way out of the panic attack, closing my eyes and taking long, long breaths. My chest still spasmed afterwards, but I could breathe again. As I began to feel calmer, we spoke about what had just happened and I remembered something that had happened when I was about six years old.

I had been getting a telling off about something and I was upset. I had started crying and my dad didn’t like it. He slapped me hard on each side of my head continuously- so hard that my head was jerking from side to side. He kept saying, over and over, “Stop crying! Stop crying! Stop crying!” I remember the blows and the feeling of my tears becoming blocked as my upset turned into silent panic and fear.

And so a recurring pattern had been revealed. My core belief was that I was worthless if I wasn’t achieving, succeeding, doing, producing. I would work incredibly hard to gain recognition but, unable to keep up the superhuman pace I would periodically crash, losing all sense of value, and fall into a depression. My discovery of this behavior led back to just one memory. There are many others. It’s little wonder then, that I was diagnosed just over a year ago with bipolar disorder (type II) and secondary borderline personality disorder.

My parents believed that productivity determined usefulness and therefore worth. Pushing down my emotions and working hard according to this idea did serve me at one time. It prevented me from suffering a greater number of beatings and abuse. But after I had escaped, I no longer needed to earn my sense of self-worth. Seeking to do so and advertising my efforts in a bid to get close to people made me appear insincere, perhaps even arrogant and attention-seeking. I certainly found it difficult to open up honestly to people, and all of this contributed to my feelings of debilitating loneliness and depression.

I’ve shared this story to illustrate the very real impact that past trauma can have in our everyday lives, as well as the ways in which your brain, like a well-meaning friend trying to protect you, may actually be holding you back in the most destructive of ways. I’ve hopefully also begun to show why I will always advocate working with a qualified therapist. Their impact on my life has been astounding and life-changing.

In my next post I’ll be talking about some of the myths surrounding therapy that often stop people from getting the support they need, as well as some of the techniques I’ve learned over the years to help me recover almost completely. If in the meantime you feel you would benefit from seeking help from a therapist but don’t know where to start looking, I would obviously highly recommend Julia Ivanova, the wonderful woman who guided me out of a very dark place and helped me become the happy, confident woman I am now. Her email address is juliaipsychotherapy@gmail.com.

I must also mention Dr Massimo Stocchi and his team at Harley Street Psychology – they are deeply passionate about helping people to inspire real change in their lives, and are experienced in a wide range of therapies. www.harleystreetpsychology.com.

Tartan Tantrum takes GOLD at Premier MMA inter-club competition!

Posted on December 16, 2012 by Tartan Tantrum

For the first time today since I started doing Korean Thai Cross (KTX) Kickboxing at Premier MMA, I took part in a ‘friendly’ sparring competition between the academy’s separate clubs. Last week the owner Chris Foran told us that we would learn more in three minutes of fighting than we would in three months of training, and he really wasn’t kidding.

I sincerely cannot believe that I came away with the gold medal having won the finals and beating every other woman who competed. Proud as I am (and I’m really bloody proud!) It did not come without a cost, and I think everyone who saw the competition as a whole would agree that some lessons need to be learned in terms of managing emotions in a fight as well as being mindful of your own strength, skill and your reaction to that of your opponent.

Continue reading →

Fragments

Posted on September 21, 2012 by Tartan Tantrum

I opened my mouth, but could not speak.

I begged her not to make me do it. Thud of fists on my body.

He shoved me up against the wall. “Tell them then! I dare you,” he sneered.

Chilling tinkle of golden bracelets. She came to me in the dark, taking what was not hers.

I stared into the mirror, then kicked it in, drawing blood with knife-edged shards

“Stop crying!” he roared, and slapped my face ’til tears froze in fear.

He dragged her by the hair, beat her to the ground.

She stared at my breasts. My skin crawled.

I said, “No”; he did not listen.

I will speak now.

Day 2 at the SECC with Hay House Publishing

Posted on September 16, 2012 by Tartan Tantrum

17.17

‘What’s the purpose of happiness? It’s how we learn how to locate our true self. Happiness is a sign that you are being the real ‘you’. Happiness is an enabler for achieving your life goals.

Robert et al have been running The Happiness Project for over 20 years.

Statics on happiness In the UK – 1957 – 52% very happy. Today – 36% say they are very happy

Hafiz – Cast all your votes for dancing

Learn to recognize the counterfeit coins

That may buy you just a moment of pleasure,

But then drag you for days

Like a broken man

Behind a farting camel.

When asked what you want, why does it have to mean ‘What do you want to have?’ Things do not always make you happy. Increased choices do not always make you happy. What do you want?

What do I want – to be, to give, to receive? That is a more constructive enquiry

16.59

Robert talks about the increasing speed of life; our impatience to find a partner, to accumulate stuff and to gain success in our careers. On a survey of women and orgasm, 90% of women said that they fake orgasm. ‘Why?’ he asked.

‘Because men fake foreplay,’ they said. Sad indeed. (And the subject of another post I feel!) The bottom line is that we have stopped paying attention to the here and now, where all things happen.

‘A friend said, “I feel like I need three days to catch up on my life!” And with the help of a range of ‘helpful’ products and services, we focus on shaving off as many minutes and seconds of our lives as possible in order to get somewhere…. but where?!’

‘When we stop, we get a chance to remember Who We Are; not just to search for happiness but to follow our joy … that’s an internal process. The joy is already here and you just have to follow it. This is not becoming, but being.’

16.48

Robert Holden, author of Happiness NOW, Be Happy, Authentic Success, and Shift Happens:

“We are not our thoughts, but we can choose our thoughts.”

Robert takes us back over the weekend, and mentions Sonia Choquette, who gave us a rather animated workshop to get us in touch with our ‘inner child’. What a wonderfully sweet woman, and immensely playful, with some important messages about letting go of our over-thinking, over-analytical selves and embracing our bodies, voices and imaginations to guide us.

He quotes Dickens’ A Tale of Two Cities:

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way…

Robert says that this is exactly where we are now, and I believe that this relates to the Global Now. There are some scary things happening in the world now right now, but there are many, many things that we can do to dissolve unhelpful patterns and get where we want and need to be.

16.35

So the session with Dr. Weiss was as wonderful as I could have hoped it would be. It was also our first experiential exercise of the weekend, as he guided us through a past life regression as a group. Although no clear memories came to me, I was very deeply relaxed and I understood that three people from my life now featured in a time before. I won’t say more than that, but needless to say I went straight out and acquired Dr Weiss’s audio regression session as I intend to build on my experience.

As the weekend draws to a close, I am left with a feeling of simple possibility. It’s very true that often we moan about all the things we don’t want, but we rarely take the time to describe in detail what our lives would look like with all the things we do want in it. I have rediscovered the challenge, and recognise once again how my spiritual life has progressed in fits and starts depending on the consistency of my focus on it.

One thing I do know. I do not care how it works; I just know that this process of taking control of our lives through taking control of our mindspace works. In a longer, later post, I will share the reasons why I know this.

For now, Robert Holden, wraps up the weekend.

11.51

What a stunning session with Louise L Haye and Cheryl Richardson! As I mentioned on Twitter, hearing Louise speak was like revisiting the original pioneer of self-help. At 85 years old, the woman exudes a warm and vibrant energy that soon spread to the rest of the audience, and the crowd was left uplifted, happy and, dare I say it, peaceful?

Louise and Cheryl had a lively dynamic between them as they shared their journey in writing the book You Can Create An Exceptional Life. It very much underlined their passionate belief in the power of affirmation as a form of ‘programming’ your experience of everyday life. This is not a new concept by any means, but I do believe there is a reason why so very many self-help and spiritual speakers are great advocates of the same idea.

It is a timely reminder to me personally of how important consistency and practice of the techniques I use to stay in control of my own experience are. For me, that means my morning pages, meditation, consultation with myself as a resource for guidance, my writing exercises, my physical training and of course, mindfulness, self-awareness and training of my own mind.

Now, for Dr Brian Weiss… EEEEEEEEEEEE!

10.10

I have met some incredible people over this weekend, who seemed to have messages meant just for me – here by Divine Appointment methinks! Within 30 seconds of sitting with Colin from Gallway, I’m being told about the amazing healing talents of John of God, based in Brazil of all places. I have a close friend who I feel needs to hear about him, as one of her own relatives was recently diagnosed with cancer. She happens to be based in Brazil at the moment.

I’ve also just spoken to Libby Salisbury, part-time doctor, fiddle-player and life coach who is in the process of setting up her own business with her Scottish Asian friend. We spoke about the intersection between physics and spirituality, and heartmath, a device which measures the effect on the body of relaxation techniques in a very visible way. It was very in tune with the work of the clinic I have just been working at, which practices an integrated form of fertility treatment. I’ll be making introductions in the coming days…

Now, time for Louise L. Haye and Cheryl Richardson.

I’m up bright and early for Day 2, so that I can get a front row seat for the main reason I came here – Dr. Brian Weiss. I was introduced to Many Lives, Many Masters years ago from a relative, and the incredible story of the respected psychiatrist who was led away from orthodox approaches by his mysterious client Katherine has stayed with me, offering comfort and reassurance in the idea that we all chose to be here, with the family we were born into, allowing our souls to continue their work of growing into infinity.

Also up today is the wonderful Louise L. Hay, author of You Can Heal Your Life, psychic and medium Kyle Gray (known as the ‘Angel Whisperer’), and Andrea Gardner, passionate believer in the connection between words and consciousness. There are many more to come, and it’s going to be an interesting day.

Hay House Publishing at the Glasgow SECC – I Can Do It! Day 1

Posted on September 15, 2012 by Tartan Tantrum

00.30

“We are so preoccupied with the dust that makes up our material bodies and all this stuff that we accumulate, that we have lost sight of this formless, weightless ‘I’. That ‘I’ in you, is what I’m talking to today.”

“The ideal of the soul is neither knowledge, nor light, nor happiness; the ideal of the soul, what it desires, is space, immensity. It wants to be free to reach out to the expanse of infinity. Why? Because what is the soul? Infinite. Every time you try to restrict your “I” in any way, you are killing the soul. ”

14.52

“You are not a human being having a temporary spiritual experience; you are an infinite spiritual being having a temporary human experience”

“Your excitement is your essence. Follow your excitement. The word ‘enthusiasm’ when broken down into its Latin components, means ‘the God within’ – Follow the God within! Don’t die with your music still inside you. You came here to play it”

You know, I’m now updating this blog having come away from the auditorium after Dr Dyer had finished speaking, because my laptop battery ran out. Instead of quoting lots of the things that he way saying, wonderful though they were, I’d like to talk a little about the feeling I’m left with, and it brings to mind Marianne Williamson’s words about the possibility of reaching our fullest potential:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.Your playing small does not serve the world.There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Dr Dyer’s newest book, Wishes Fulfilled, outlines the following five steps for manifesting in your reality that which you most desire:

1. Imagination – You can’t get to where you’re going if you don’t know what it looks like.

2. Get past the idea that world is what your senses tell you it is. It’s not. Live from a place of knowing that what you are calling forth already exists.

3. Assume the feelings of the wish already fulfilled

4. Pay attention. Be aware. Guard your experience. Anything that is inconsistent with the feeling of your wish already fulfilled, throw it out. [This is not about trusting that what you want will come to you, it's about understanding that it already exists in a reality that you are calling forth to your senses]

5. The Last Five Minutes. Whilst you are asleep you’re subconscious is processing your last conscious thoughts. That’s eight hours of focus on your final thoughts of the day. Make the last five minutes of your day instructions to your subconscious mind to make manifest that which you desire.

Dyer’s final words: “You can either be a host to God, or a hostage to your ego.”

14.12

Dyer quotes Portia Nelson on her short autobiography:

Chapter I
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in.
I am lost … I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter II
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place.
But, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter III
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in … it’s a habit … but,
my eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

Chapter IV
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

Chapter V
I walk down another street.

14.04

Dr Dyer on parenting – “My main mission as a parent is to guide, then step aside. Our job as parents is not to interfere with our children’s lives, it is to keep them safe and yet allow them to make their own decisions.”

“The soul wants to be expand; it wants to grow and to reach infinity. Danish philosopher Soren Keirkegaard once said, ‘Once you label me, you negate me.’ To reach the highest level of consciousness, you have to change this concept of yourself as who you believe you really are.”

“Meaning is not about what’s happening to our bodies, it’s about connecting our selves to our source of being, our highest self. Our highest self… is God. Who “I” am, is never separate from this source.”

The famous psychologist Abraham Maslow was Dr. Dyer’s teacher, and he passed away in the same hour as Dr Dyer was marching across a stage to receive his doctorate. It was as if Maslow was passing the baton, saying, “I have taught you everything about self-actualisation. Now I’d like you to teach it to the cab drivers, the beauticians, the cashiers – everybody.”

“We don’t study the weakest among us, we should be looking at the most advanced among us, those who are living the fully functioning life. Don’t study the maniacal or the crippled – this will only yield crippled psychology. Look at the more universal, special psychology that lies complete within each of us.”

10.42

Dyer is a big fan of Rabindranath Tagore! Now quoting The Highest Self, a beautiful poem

I came out alone on my way to my tryst. But who is this
me in the dark?
I move aside to avoid his presence but I escape him not.
He makes the dust rise from the earth with his swagger;
He adds his loud voice to every word I utter.
He is my own little self, my lord, he knows no shame;
but I am ashamed to come to thy door in his company.

10.37

“We have a tendency to believe that who we are is how much we accumulate and how much we accomplish. This is an illusion” – Dr W Dyer

“I have lived in many bodies even in this one incarnation … I can’t find one component of the body I was in when I was 20 anywhere! We think that who we are is the body we are in now. But that’s always changing and therefore it’s an illusion. The infinite part of us, whether we call it the soul, the spirit, the God, this infinite awareness of who we are… what is this ‘I’?”

Dyer talking about the concept of ‘oneness’, or this thing called God, which cannot exist if it can be named, because as soon one thing exists, it becomes separate from all, and therefore at odds with oneness. God does not exist where he/she/the force/the spirit can be named.

10.19

“My name is Dr Wayne Dyer and I am 72 years old. I have sex almost every day. Almost on Monday, almost on Tuesday, almost on Wednesday” – I like this guy!

09.55

First up today is Wishes Fulfilled: Master the Art of Manifesting with Dr Wayne W. Dyer. Many of us already know that our thoughts can at least influence what we experience in our everyday reality, but understanding how to control and create the best mindset for doing so can be tricky. Dr Dyer is here to help us out!

09.34

Also in there is an audiobook by Gregg Braden “New York Times bestselling author of Fractal Time, The God Code and The Spontaneous Healing of Belief“. He says that “the hottest topics that divide us as families, cultures and nations [and] seemingly disparate issues such war, terrorism, genocide, poverty, economic collapse and nuclear war are actually related. They all stem from the false assumptions of an incomplete science” – Interesting.

Haha, got the latest issue of Spirit & Destiny too! Louise L. Hays book Letters to Louise is in there – kind of a like a Chicken Soup for the Soul type deal. Looking forward to reading.

09.20

I am already impressed by the awesome goodie-bag we’ve been given! Inside is a hard-back, A5 notebook with affirmations by Louise L. Hay et. al. printed throughout. Firstly, I have a fetish for stationery, especially notebooks, but the affirmations are gorgeous too:

“Experiences come and go; however, my love for myself is constant” – Louise L. Hay

“Spiritual growth is like childbirth. You dilate, then you contract. You dilate, then you contract again. As painful as it all feels, it’s the necessary rhythm for reaching the ultimate goal of total openness” – Marianne Williamson

“What other people think of me is none of my business. One of the highest places you can get to is being independent of the good opinions of other people” – Dr. Wayne Dyer

08.33

Getting ready for a day of live blogging from the Glasgow Scottish Exhibition and Conference Centre, where the world’s foremost experts in mind, body and spirit writing will gather in the first event of it’s kind to share their advice on how to achieve happiness, gain success and become the best person you can be – stay tuned

Spiritual Healing

Posted on September 13, 2012 by Tartan Tantrum

This weekend, I’m seriously looking forward to attending a self-development conference in Glasgow held by Hay House, the specialist publisher of mind, body and spirit books. I know that lots of people are highly skeptical about the theories and approaches outlined by authors who claim to have found direct paths to happiness. The genre has grown so much in recent years it seems like everybody and their mother has a different opinion on how we should live our lives.

Over the years, I’ve read dozens of these books, and many of them have indeed seemed far-fetched, requiring a wholesale commitment to time-consuming daily exercises that make life more demanding, not less! But there have been others from which I have gained a tremendous amount of reassurance, comfort and hope that have helped me through some desperate times. It just took a little critical thinking and exploration to discover what works for me. I’m continually surprised when I hear that many people still don’t ‘believe’ in the idea that our inner world affects not only our physical health, but also our capacity to achieve, succeed or simply function day-to-day.